What am I doing here?

Do you ever stop and wonder what on earth you are doing and hope to accomplish? I went to an orphanage on Sunday and it was a great experience. The moment I stepped out of the car, the children came up to me and started to hug me and welcome me. I was overwhelmed with happiness and after we were all greeted we got to sit down and the children performed for us. They did a beautiful dance, while one of the kids played the drum. A group of four would step up and show us their dance moves while the rest of the children chanted waiting for their turn.

The kids honestly dance better than any of us there! They had amazing moves and big smiles. After that we introduced ourselves and then played some games: "GoGoGoGo STOP", "Duck Duck Goose", and "four squares".
The kids were so happy to be around us and they even showed us their rooms. The boys room had pictures from magazines of Zac Efron and David Beckman.  The boys had never seen High School Musical 2 which is where the pictures were from[well...zac efron's was] but they were proud of their pictures! The girls didnt have any posters on their wall but the room was girly with pink sheets and a few dolls.
We didn't get to stay long, but we have plans to spend a weekend there soon. As we said goodbye the kids looked almost cheated as we left. Like the excitement had quickly been taken from them and those few moments of joy with us were quickly gone. They ran after our car waving and yelling "bye" to us nearly to the end of the driveway. 
It was at that moment I started to wonder what I was doing here. I wanted so badly to see children and to spend time with them, knowing I would not stay here, but why? It felt almost selfish now, realizing that volunteers come and go all the time and these children gain and lose friends continuously. To be honest, I am not sure if my time with them will be something of true joy or if it will continue to jade these beautiful children. What could I possibly do that would actually bring a joyful experience that does not end with sadness? 
It's a hard reality to see these children and their lives in full flesh. Knowingly putting yourself into their lives and knowing taking yourself away. This is not a happy post, and I am sorry to any of you who were hoping for a happy blog... but honestly my experience at the orphanage leaves me uneasy. It is making me second guess my experience that has been so glamorized... the volunteer experience.


I just don't know... What am I really doing here?