Can you fall in love AND have your heart broken all at once? Well, that just happened

Wednesday May 18th, 2011

ORPHANAGE DAY!!! YAY!

So I was not able to go jog the beach this morning because I had to leave my house at 6:30am to meet up with Mary-o [the woman who runs the orphanage] at HOPAC at 7am. I went with four other interns from our group: Kara, Jodi, Karisa, and Mike.

Breakfast does not exist at this time of the morning! At least not much more than a piece of toast. Yummy in my belly!

We all were not too sure what to expect today, but I was happy when Mary told us we were going to go teach at their nursery school for the morning before their children come home from school.

As we pulled in the driveway I could hear children singing from afar and I could not help but smile. We walked over to the school from the orphanage and after meeting both classes we split up into groups for the two classes. Karisa, Mike and I went into the larger class of slightly older kids, while Kara and Jodi taught the younger, smaller class.

They sang for us and we taught them English kid songs, reviewed the alphabet and taught them some English words. They told us their names, but I do not remember them. We had, in total, almost fifty kids in the school with kids as young as four years old.

Shortly after we took them all outside to play games. We all joined up, and tried to play "What time is it Mr. Wolf?" which ended up getting kids hurt and crying [hehe ooops]. So, I guess the kids did not fully understand that when the "wolf" [aka Mike] yelled lunchtime and turned around to chase them that it was part of the game. The kids got so scared they were crying while they ran. Unfortunately, it resulted in kids falling and tripping other kids. aww! Way to go Canadians! haha soooo......

NEW GAME!

We tried "Duck duck goose" and it worked a lot better. Unfortunately, with over fifty people playing... it went slowish and not everyone got a turn. Oh and I forgot to tell you!! Three of the kids that got so scared from Mike did not play any more games. haha Mike felt terrible.

After that game we tried another game that was again quickly abandoned until we found that playing London Bridge was a fun game for them.

We switched it up and took groups of kids and read them stories. I was so surprised at how attentive my kids were until I realized they were NOT looking at me, but rather my sunglasses on my head. I took them off and let the kids try them on. Well they went nuts with excitement and fought over the shades. They loved them so much it made me laugh. That was the end of my storytelling. After we read books it was home time, so we got some pictures with the kids which they LOVED! The kids took my shades and I took pictures of them all with my shades. They were so excited just to wear them and then to see the pictures of themselves sent them through the roof. They really did not want to leave and it took a long time before children actually felt for home.

Returning to the orphanage, we were escorted to the lunch building and served lunch. The food was amazing and being that we were starving, we ate good. By the time we finished eating some of the kids were coming home and greeting us with hugs. We started to play frisbee and hopscotch with them while we waited for the remaining kids. That is when one of the twin boys started to play frisbee with me. His brother played with Mike. He was so cute and made me laugh almost constantly. I taught him how to throw a frisbee under his leg and he loved it! Mike and I joined up with playing frisbee and they started to call us "Uncle" and "Aunt". We had a hopscotch relay race in groups and our team kicked butt!

When the rest of the kids came home, we were escorted again to the lunch building and fed AGAIN. Like two hours later! The food is so good out here, I hope to make some of it when I return to Kanada. 

Just as we were finishing our meal it started to rain. If you remember what I have said in previous posts, when it rains it POURS and it was nothing short of that. The way the orphanage is set up, it has a courtyard in the middle and each building is touching, but separate. You know you are a BCian when you run into the rain and take pleasure in getting soaked! The children stood in the door ways watching us as we danced in the rain and stuck our tongues out to get raindrops on them. We decided to do some jumping photos in the rain and when we invited the children to join us, a few did!! A boy named Abraham came and stood next to me. He held my hand and was grinning from ear to ear. We got a ton of pictures with the kids as we jumped in the rain. The number of kids increased by each jump and soon we could barely all fit in the picture. When we were waiting to do one of the jumps Abraham was telling the other kids my name that he had remembered I guess. I was so impressed, he even said it in the proper English pronunciation "Moriah" and not the "Malaya" that everyone else says... Well he sure made my day! 

Once we dried off we all sat on the porch and sang/danced to songs of theirs. They all have beautiful voices and smiles that make you melt. I found Abraham looking to me a lot and lighting up when I smiled at him. I fell in love today with these children. They have nothing, but they have everything. Their joy is contagious and their laughter calms me. It is hard to explain how they have changed me, but I felt such an overwhelming feeling of love toward them all. I wanted to hug them and never miss a moment of their lives.

After the first visit to the orphanage I had put up a wall to block off my feelings. So this time when I returned to the orphanage today, I was ready to play and enjoy my time while staying reserved. After playing, laughing and letting the boys take my camera around to take pictures, my wall started to shake until the moment when Abraham took my hand and smiled up at me-- then my wall came crashing down. It was hard to let myself love these children because I still feared that in the end when I left I would hurt them. I fear the day I leave here and I fear that I might never return. 

I have recently been reading about the effects of volunteers and if they do more harm than good. At first thought anyone would agree with the notion that volunteers do good. Unfortunately, you cannot just leave it at that and those that do stay ignorant to an important reality. Coordinators of NGOs such as orphanages and other care facilities when questioned on the impact of short term volunteers all say that it is better for the children to have volunteers stay for longer periods of time. Volunteers coming and going in 2 week or 2 month periods can jade the children. They make friends and become attached to the volunteers and then suddenly they lose them and are forced to make friends with new volunteers who will then repeat the cycle. The reality is volunteers have all good intentions to stay in touch with the children they bond with and some even plan to visit. Unfortunately, the promises get left at the airport and the volunteers return back to their "normal lives" forgetting about the promises made. 

This is what has me concerned. I want to be the exception to this rule, but I am sure anyone who has volunteered felt like they would BE that exception. How many of us were? There are many other factors that are put on trial with regards to the notion that volunteers do more harm than good. I chose this particular one as it directly relates to my experience here in Dar es Salaam and as I spend time with these orphanage children. 

So, back to my day.... In any case, I had fallen in love today.
Moments before we left, I was talking to Mary-o [Orphanage Mary] privately and I held back tears as she told me six of these children are HIV positive. I was grateful she never told me which children did, as I do not think I could bare to know.
As we drove off the children ran after our vehicle screaming and waving. It was such a bittersweet moment that I had to turn away. The drive home was a daze. I could feel myself going numb and I could not stop it. I remained quiet as the other interns talked to Mary. The wind coming in through the window helped to keep my eyes dry, but a small tear did manage to fight its way past the wind and roll down my cheek. 
We thanked Mary-o and paid her for the travel and the food. We talked, in short, about the future visits and then she was on her way.
We made it home for dinner and peaches and pits. I am tired and I am going to go to sleep now.
Moriah